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  • Writer's pictureJust Jack Counselling Services

Abusers V’s Victims

As a Counsellor for over ten years now I wonder who exactly is in more need of Counselling, is it the Victims of the Abusers, the sexual predators, the manipulators and game players or is it the victims.

Of course it goes without saying that the Victims need Counselling and Support in order to get them through their experiences and Just Jack Counselling Services will always be here for them, no matter what the trauma or issue is and will always work hard with victims to help them manage, cope and move forwards positively in their lives, but let’s also look at the abusers, now naturally some if not most will say that the sexual predators, domestic abusers, rapists and so on don’t deserve support or counselling and they should all go and rot in hell and I would largely agree myself in truth as I see first hand the lasting effects the actions of those individuals have on others, truth be told they should pay me a huge amount of money as Counsellors like me are the ones who end up fixing what these selfish monsters have broken.

It really sickens me that in this day and age that I still have to deal with the damage that these individuals create as this predatory behaviour should of been stamped out by now, it amazes me that given the raised awareness around such issues that they still go on, so it’s an obvious thought pattern to think why does it still go on? Why does one human abuse another human? Yes it’s often power and control and yes there are often reasons behind their abusive behaviour but that is NO EXCUSE, to me it’s like someone saying that they killed Billy because they were having a bad day, it’s simply unacceptable.

Being an ex Infantry Commander I am still of the mindset of looking at the root of the problem, and surely the real problem here is the issues these predators clearly have if they feel that their negative behaviour is acceptable. Funnily enough as a Counsellor I rarely come across these individuals, I rarely get a client sat in front of me who says things like “I’m an utter arsehole to others and don’t know why” or “I enjoy abusing others be that physically or mentally and although I know it’s wrong I just can’t help myself”. I’m sure you can make your own minds up as to why they don’t come forwards however I right here and now am challenging them to get in touch and get help.

The reason I want to help these individuals is because if we can get to the root of the problems then we can prevent this from happening in the first place. I’m man enough to admit that I have been controlling and manipulative, I have been an angry and aggressive man however given I served within an Infantry Battalion for ten years where these attributes actually save lives and are required in order to do a very challenging job it was to me understandable why I was how I was, However it’s outside the army life when I realised that these attributes really don’t transfer well to civilian life which was seen every day when I worked in Prisons as they are full of people including Veterans who didn’t fully understand (at first) what they had done wrong simply because it was learnt behaviour or accepted within their circles.

After losing everything and everyone in my life I finally recognised that it was me that needed to change, in the infantry we are taught to improvise adapt and overcome in order to adjust to our surroundings. I should say at this point that I never broke any laws, I was just a prick and treated people wrong, and yes I can try and hide behind the fact that this was the way I was bought up, this was the way I was trained or this was due to my own negative and abusive experiences however that is such a cowardly thing to say and is quite simply bollocks as it’s still a choice.

Yes it may be a factor as to why I was the way that I was but that does not excuse my behaviours. Life is about choices and you chose to do whatever it is you have done or do and if you take some kind of gratitude, happiness or sense of power by treating others in an unacceptable way then it is YOU that requires counselling and I am here for you, I won’t judge you and what you share with me stays with me due to confidentially, being brave enough to admit to yourself that you need to change takes genuine strength, taking that first step to get that help shows genuine desire to be a better person. I am certainly still not perfect and never will be however I am self aware and live everyday to be a better person than I was yesterday, I do this not just for myself, but also for my kids as I want them to look at me and be proud, I do this for my wife who is the one who keeps me grounded and isn’t afraid to tell me when I am being controlling still in order for me to get back on track as its perfectly normal to revert back to learnt behaviours.

It’s important to listen to those around you and hard to accept that you are not perfect and it takes real courage and strength to make genuine positive change as it takes time and is probably the hardest thing you will do in your life, however it will be the best thing you’ve ever done, for yourself, your loved ones and of course your potential victims.

If the abusers of any description had the courage and strength to get counselling then we wouldn’t have victims in the first place.


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